Getting there was quite the journey. I always had to have a friend take me to my pelvic floor physical therapy appointments because of the severe impact the internal work would have on my nervous system. That went on for more than six months before I could drive myself, and even then, it was a challenge. What have you had to endure in this health crisis? Much, I am sure. Grueling therapy appointments, injections, pills, supplements, expenses beyond your reach. What will it take to get you better? I think I have the answers, or should I say I know God has the answers. It is a path He has taken me on to find Him through all the confusion of the pain and memory issues.
The first tool I introduced you to was binding and loosing, a scriptural means to shatter strongholds. I began here too, when a group of women gathered in my home to study, discuss and discover the power of binding and loosing prayer from Shattering Your Strongholds by Liberty Savard, another book that I highly recommend to you. Ms. Savard is a brilliant author to whom the Lord has entrusted great wisdom and knowledge of His ways. His ways that are higher than our ways; His ways that are greater than our ways.
I didn’t create this path I am going to take you on, but I will show you the turns and twists required to get out of the blinding pain in your private parts. Please forgive me if I seem a bit presumptuous; I am not at all. By no means do I pretend to know you and your story, but I believe God has given me a gift of insight, even just glimpses into the causes of these strange medical phenomena that seem to come out after a major trauma. It could be that you had a fall, a surgery, or a baby. Maybe you just passed into a new stage of life. Hang on, the benefit of following this narrow pathway will be worth it in the end, and I believe you will do great things to help others get free too.
But, do you want to be free? Free of the mindsets that this will always be my pain, that nothing I do matters, that I will always hurt, that nothing can cure THIS pain. Those mindsets are all based on lies– every one of them. “I have freedom from this pain, child,” God says. “Listen to me and I will tell you the root of your pain. I will reveal what happened to you as a small child.” This is the path that we all inevitably need to take. It will involve a look into your past deeper than ever before. Will you decide to do this? It is all up to you. It will not be easy, but the price you are paying now is very high. Come with me on a journey to find out from your Creator what His good plans are for you.
The journey for me began after two years of searching for healing both from God, wanting that instant miracle, you know the one, and from doctors and other practitioners. I would have sworn that God was going to heal me any minute. I believed. And then I finally decided to actually ask Him why I was still hurting. What in the world could I have done to deserve this, and why wasn’t He fixing it NOW? After all, I had experienced His healing before. I believed, I prayed and I stood on the Psalm that promises healing: Bless the Lord oh my soul, bless His holy name. Bless the Lord oh my soul, and forget none of His benefits. He forgives all your iniquities and He heals all your diseases (Psalm 103:1-3).
Then I heard it from Him. “Your father sexually abused you.” I was sure I was completely nuts at that point and that this was Satan’s voice, not God’s. Then there came the first flashback of my childhood bedroom. The images were not clear but the intimation was. I was tied to the headboard of my small pink twin-size bed. I could tell I was being raped. A wave of horror spread over me and anxiety filled my soul like I don’t remember ever experiencing before. During the following days I felt beside myself with anxiety, disbelief and confusion as to what was happening to me. My friend said it must be Satan because God would never give me a vision like that. What I would learn a few years later when I finally entered right brain therapy was that, indeed, God would bring forth images such as this, so that it could be brought to the light and my soul could receive the healing it has longed for.
I actually entered traditional left brain therapy initially to help deal with the onslaught of emotions. It was as if I was reliving the torment, the original abuse. It didn’t make sense to me. I actually felt crazy. Certifiably so. I couldn’t focus on or process things that were being said to me, often having to have things repeated. My children would be speaking to me and I literally would not hear a word they were saying. Where was I? Lost in my head? I don’t really know. Seems so.
Then fast forward three years when, after having gone for prayer what seemed like a thousand times, I ended up in a counselor’s office. She told me that she had seen women like me, who had this unexplained pelvic pain, and she had seen them get set free. No more of this crazy pain. Really? It was too much to be coincidence that I was referred to this type of counseling twice now. The first time I said, no, that it looked too different and was too expensive. The second time I was referred, I actually thought it was for my son. Wrong. So I went. And I agreed to this alternative type of therapy, whatever it was. I did not know what I was signing up for but nothing else had worked in the last five years, so I thought I’d better give this woman’s different counseling method a try. So I colored my first brain map. Weird. Strange. What is this about?
I could have chosen to say no, but my destiny needed me well; this much I knew. I was not going to live with this pain the rest of my life!