“To know you more…” these are the words from a song by Casting Crowns that currently expresses my whole heart. God has been pulling me up out of a hole so deep I thought I would die at times. Yes, that’s right. Die. Pain so deep and so gut wrenching emotionally, spiritually and physically that I was not sure if I was going to make it.
God has given me a second chance at life through his son Jesus. He has been lifting off the weights that have held me down my whole life. Weights I didn’t even understand or realize the depth of…
Childhood sexual abuse has consequences that are so far reaching you cannot imagine unless you have been there yourself. In 1985 I had an abortion that to this day I did not recall until it was dug out in a session with my prayer partners. God speaks. Then he gives the grace to cover the sin by a child running from trouble. It was not my responsibility He said to me. The wounds caused by childhood sexual abuse cause behaviors in a young girl that are not her own, that she does not even understand why or what she is doing.
The grief that has been pulling me under, like a rip tide pulls a swimmer under, over and over, for the last 7 years is finally coming to an end, I hope. My only hope in life now is Him. What He can do in me and through me and for me. He has given me a second chance at life when there seemed to be no chance of life at all.
Please, if you have done things that you regret or don’t understand and blame yourself, come to the cross of Jesus Christ where there is forgiveness and redemption. There is a time to dance and a time to mourn. My period of mourning is coming to a close and through the healing process has come much wisdom and knowledge on how to reach out to get well.
You are not alone, no matter what your struggles. FB is a community I never thought I would bare my soul on, but it is a powerful vehicle so I will use it for hoping to help others in my situation. Who have guilt and shame so deep that they don’t even know why.
Jesus is the author and finisher of my faith, He is faithful and just to complete a good work that he has started in me.
Stay tuned for articles from my blog further on this subject of the pains of childhood abuse. Pain so deep it cuts like a knife, or makes you want to cut yourself to ease the heart pain that is deep inside.
May the Lord Jesus Christ bless you and keep you and make His face to shine upon you and be gracious unto you.
Thank you Brad Dell for baring your soul on FB and helping us to understand all that a person with CF goes through. I hope to share my son’s story as well on FB, a new story of how we can be healed, no matter what ails us. You are an inspiration to all that read your work. You are brave and I sense the Father is well pleased with you. Well. Pleased.
Thank you for challenging me to share my story. There, I said it.