Who would’ve thought that 7 years of hell could produce such beauty? Not me, I thought. “Out of the ashes comes the beauty if you will let go of the ashes.” This is what Holy Spirit said to me as I started to write this entry. “Let go of the ashes my child. They were not meant for you to wear. You are the daughter of the King, the most High God. This abuse was much too much for you to carry in your body and wear on your heart.”
After 7 years of often severe suffering, I finally am beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel. It has been a wild journey, a very narrow path, of the Lord leading me to freedom. To light. To His love. I have often stood in the way, not knowing how to reach Him, like a small helpless child who does not understand where or who she is.
Come let me take you on a journey of my story, that will hopefully enlighten you to things that could be part of your story, to gain freedom from the darkness that the enemy of our souls would like to make us think will be our life forever. The year was 1967, a time when I was born into a family of four children with a mother who was busy and hurried, keeping the house clean and trying to make sense of things herself I imagine. I was frequently left alone in a crib and then four short years later, raped and molested by members of my own family. What happens is our subconscious buries all the trauma, so that the person can keep on functioning, until they can no longer bear it. The subconscious parts of us are carrying the load and still experiencing the pain. So the body memories start to appear, often triggered by a trauma to the same body parts; whether it be a surgery, car accident, relationship trauma, giving birth, or simply due to an age where the Lord says it is time for you to begin to deal with the trauma.
You have to feel it, to deal with it, to heal from it. This is a phrase I have been hearing for 7 years. I have often tried to drown out the pain with Latte’s, food, Facebook, alcohol, shopping and the like. But it doesn’t solve the problem and heal the wounds in my soul. What will I do from here? Continue to go through the process I must do to get the entire healing for my soul; so that I can be completely free, totally whole, nothing missing, nothing broken to gain the whole heart, body, soul and spiritual freedom that Christ paid for.
Isaiah 61:1New King James Version (NKJV)
The Good News of Salvation
“The Spirit of the Lord God is upon Me,
Because the Lord has anointed Me
To preach good tidings to the poor;
He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted,
To proclaim liberty to the captives,
And the opening of the prison to those who are bound.